Includes: The Zoo, not getting into Comic-Con.

And Trapped in the Closet.

Truthfully, a bunch of us watched Trapped in the Closet on Day Two. But I forgot about that when I wrote yesterday, and I didn’t feel like editing the last entry AGAIN. So anyway… dicking around after bowling, we all watched the Will Arnett Sex Tape [...]]]>

Includes: The Zoo, not getting into Comic-Con.

And Trapped in the Closet.

Truthfully, a bunch of us watched Trapped in the Closet on Day Two. But I forgot about that when I wrote yesterday, and I didn’t feel like editing the last entry AGAIN. So anyway… dicking around after bowling, we all watched the Will Arnett Sex Tape which led to R Kelly’s crazy-ass, ridiculous “rap opera” that everyone on Earth besides me watched about three years ago. I had never seen it, but of course Steven owns it (because really, who wouldn’t want to?). Hint: watch it with the English subtitles on, even if you’ve seen it already. I can’t describe how funny it is. Also, if you click on ANY link in all these entries, click on the Will Arnett Sex Tape. You will hurt yourself laughing. Or I will hurt you for not watching it. Your choice.

OK, Day Three. I was probably more excited about the San Diego Zoo than any other place on the itinerary. Being a member of our own, impressive Memphis Zoo, and making it a point to go to as many cities’ zoos as I can, I was positively giddy to be going to one of the world’s best. I woke up chanting “It’s Zooooo Dayyyy! It’s Zooooo Dayyyy!” and skipping around the apartment like a little kid. Lucky for me, no one drove my childish ass back to the airport right then and there.

We spent probably five, six hours at the zoo. And even though we saw most of it, we didn’t see it all. It’s HUGE. And it’s not just a sprawling concrete jungle of “habitats” and t-shirt booths. It is pretty. I mean, really pretty. The zoo’s plants are more expensive than its animals, and that is overwhelmingly obvious after you walk through your third or fourth rainforest recreation or see about forty shapes of cacti you’ve never dreamed could exist. And many of the habitats are open, so open and close that you can reach out and touch the animals if you are a dumbass. You can skip the description and click here for my photos. But, if you’re a reader, here are some highlights…

1. Lots of baby animals. Maybe it’s the water, maybe it’s the constantly gorgeous weather, but animals at the San Diego Zoo apparently love to do the nasty. Even the gorillas and pandas had multiple little ones! That’s right. Baby pandas.
2. Walking in the aviary, a funny-looking little bird with long skinny legs and a fat Big Bird body walks (yeah, walks) right up. We look down, coo “Oh, well HELLO, little guy! How ya doin??” and he cocks his head, bops his body down, and craps right there between his feet on the walkway. Later, Steven asks, “did we get shit-talked by that bird?”
3. A person in a bear costume pointed at me, then to himself, then did the “call me” hand-to-ear motion. I don’t know why, but it cracked me up.
4. I met Jane Goodall in the bathroom. She’d been lost in there for about six weeks.
5. Just kidding.
6. It was only two weeks.
7. Koalas! I had never seen live koalas before. They are much smaller than I’d expected, and they are lazy bastards. They sleep 18-20 hours a day. The San Diego Zoo has about 10 or 15, and literally only one was awake. Most of them looked like this one or this guy (and it’s definitely a guy, look close). You know, with pandas and koalas being so freaking lethargic, it’s no wonder they’re threatened species. Get a leg up, furry things. Geez.

But sigh, all good things come to an end. We had to leave the zoo. I coulda stayed forever, but we had other plans. Plans to attend the preview screening of Lost Boys 2 at Comic-Con, which had been going on all day without us. (Note: Watch the trailer I linked. It’s genuinely funny. “OK, no, seriously, we’re vampires.”)

But first, there’s no way to get around this without it sounding cheesy and romantic (which it was)… Steven took me to watch the sunset at the beach. It was beautiful, we saw a seagull steal a Jack-in-the-Box bag then get chased around with it in the sand Benny Hill style, and I dug up shells while wading in the ocean.

After a quick dinner at Roberto’s, a tasty local place where we heard a Jerry Springer Show-esque argument (Girl: Don’t ask me for nothin later. Guy: Don’t worry, I WON’T. Girl: I hope you don’t. Guy: DON’T WORRY, I WON’T. Girl: I HOPE YOU DON’T, and so on) we drove to the San Diego Convention Center. We’d heard parking would be a nightmare, but it was a breeze. Crowded? Nope, we encountered no lines. Sweet, right? Wrong. Turns out registration was over for the night, so we couldn’t get in. And we couldn’t see Lost Boys 2. In fact, we couldn’t do anything other than wipe the tears from our eyes. Booooooooo. Epic FAIL.

Dejected and somewhat lost (but not lost boys…too…), we head home. We buy California-made beers (bottlecap collection, whaaat?), and drink a few while Steven beats me at two games of Boggle. Steven claims he has *never* lost at Boggle. I told him to enjoy his record while he has it. Of course an experienced player will beat a novice on the first two games. But, trust me, it’s on.

July 23, Day Two

This was a low-key day. Hey, vacations are for relaxing, right? I slept all morning. Steven went to work at 1. I spent the afternoon hanging out at the apartment, reading The End of Mr. Y and marveling about the 70-degree weather. I [...]]]>  The short version: relaxing, the beach, Dollar Dollar Bear Y’all, bowling.

July 23, Day Two

This was a low-key day. Hey, vacations are for relaxing, right? I slept all morning. Steven went to work at 1. I spent the afternoon hanging out at the apartment, reading The End of Mr. Y and marveling about the 70-degree weather. I watched them play Rock Band, which they are all Experts at. I watched them play Guitar Hero, which they are also all Experts at. And Metal Gear Solid 4, which they have already beaten. I drank a super tasty Jamba Juice mango smoothie. Of course we have smoothie places in Memphis too, but somehow it seemed like a special California thing to do. We were supposed to go to Comic-Con Preview Night, but Steven worked too late. No Fringe pre-screening for me.

But I didn’t want to spend the WHOLE day at the apartment. So we went to Mission Beach. As soon as I got there, my camera’s battery died. No photos tonight. I waded in the Pacific Ocean for only the 2nd time, and walked on the boardwalk (like here and here). The weather was amazing. It was so comfortable, it was like there was NO weather. We walked around the rollercoaster and thrill rides and carnival booths, I realized every single person in California looks like a model, and we passed a basketball toss booth where the prizes were bears wrapped in fake dollar bills. Steven went, “Hey, dollar dollar bear y’all” and I cracked up. A few booths later, I pulled a girl move and declared, “OK, I want that bear.” And damn if he didn’t walk back and win it in only four tries. After that, we spent a bit more time at the boardwalk in the arcade, introducing Dollar Dollar Bear Y’all to the world and telling him how truly hard it was out here for a pimp.

Back to the apartment. Midnight bowling with the roommates and friends. The bowling alley guy was one of the angriest men I had ever seen in all of the service industry. “Whatever you people are gonna do, you better hurry up and do it”…”give me one of your shoes. NOW.” Dang. OK, dude. So anyway, I had all kinds of excuses for why my game sucked (the ball didn’t fit my fingers, it was hot in the alley so my hands were sweaty, my shoes didn’t fit right, blah blah blah). I only got one strike all night! My bowling name was, I bet you can guess, Dollar Bear Y’all. Steven’s was Raptor Jesus, and Josh’s was Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. (btw, they say “tiiiiight” as often they breathe. It’s their Hello, their Sweet, their Nice, their Thanks. Whole conversations can be had with just that word, it’s pretty hilarious.)

Um, I think that’s it for Wednesday? On to the zoo…

Click below for another list, hopefully also forever partial, of cool things I HAVE done. If you have an unlisted favorite memory of me/us, you let me know.