And so far, today’s been a sweet warm kiss on the mouth. Woke up early, was gifted an enormous bottle of [...]]]> Yesterday treated me all kinds of right. A 100% enjoyable workday (worknight?) (And enjoyable, really? Crazy I know!) and a 150% enjoyable night. But I took no photo. I must start carrying my camera again.

And so far, today’s been a sweet warm kiss on the mouth. Woke up early, was gifted an enormous bottle of Diet Coke and flung the windows open. Caught up on LOST (GREAT episode, they are seriously bringin’ it lately), caught up on Facebook Scrabble and successfully forgot my problems for several hours. This weather helps. These days are diamonds. (For at least the next few months, thinking of diamonds will make me think of this commercial, which is hilarious and is an epic win for Old Spice. You’ve probably seen it a hundred times on TV so just click off it if you’re tired of it. I am, however, not tired of it and could watch it every day. I’m on a horse.)

Also, today is the day my dear friends Alissa and Jonathan are having their baby (she’s in labor as I type!), so hopefully tomorrow I will have some actually interesting photos for a change.

But today, things are looking up (OH YES I DID JUST SAY THAT AND POST A PHOTO OF MYSELF LOOKING UP). Work was not only tolerable but [...]]]> Monday I practically fell asleep at the desk. A few great hours after work had been preceded by several awful work hours and some bad news about my grandfather.

But today, things are looking up (OH YES I DID JUST SAY THAT AND POST A PHOTO OF MYSELF LOOKING UP). Work was not only tolerable but practically enjoyable, and tomorrow I start a new job-within-job that will maybe get rid of most of my stress and misery. Could it be? Might I be on the verge of not hating seven hours of my day? I sure hope so. I don’t like being Debbie Downer.

Well, really more like “random and completely haphazard collection of food that Adam and I got at Kroger with no rhyme or reason, like why would anyone serve sauteed cabbage and tater tots on the same plate but at least it all tasted good” for five. Oh, also? Tater tots immediately fall apart and become [...]]]>

Well, really more like “random and completely haphazard collection of food that Adam and I got at Kroger with no rhyme or reason, like why would anyone serve sauteed cabbage and tater tots on the same plate but at least it all tasted good” for five. Oh, also? Tater tots immediately fall apart and become accidental hash browns when put into frying oil that’s not hot enough. Who knew.

Adam’s been in town the past two nights. Last night he worked some bending magic on a package of pipe cleaners as we gabbed about serial killers (the pipe cleaners are resting on The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers) and I played online Scrabble. If that sentence seems strange to you, then you must be a [...]]]>

Adam’s been in town the past two nights. Last night he worked some bending magic on a package of pipe cleaners as we gabbed about serial killers (the pipe cleaners are resting on The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers) and I played online Scrabble. If that sentence seems strange to you, then you must be a new reader.

He hung a simple piece from my computer room’s ceiling fan chain, and here are some gratuitous photos of it ’cause I like it a lot.

I’ve written, erased, rewritten, edited and finally scrapped about five different versions of tonight’s post. Obviously I’ve had trouble expressing myself. Basically, work is not what I expected. I’ve defeated the odds. But not in a good way. In a bad way. I’ve talked to at least 400 if not 500 people. I haven’t made [...]]]>

I’ve written, erased, rewritten, edited and finally scrapped about five different versions of tonight’s post. Obviously I’ve had trouble expressing myself. Basically, work is not what I expected. I’ve defeated the odds. But not in a good way. In a bad way. I’ve talked to at least 400 if not 500 people. I haven’t made a single sale. Literally everyone else except one person has. Even if they “at least lucked into a sale,” they’ve got one to speak for. Tonight someone said to me “wow, even so-and-so made a sale. You must feel really bad.” And I do. It’s worthless to shout into the wind about how smart I am, how good I was at my last job, how respected and talented I always heard I was. None of that matters one bit, because I don’t have a damn sale. Like they say at work, you’re only as good as your last performance. This is the kind of improbably bad situation that makes people want to tell you it’s all gonna be OK then secretly talk amongst themselves about what the hell you could possibly be doing to fuck your shit up all day.

And even though there’s part of me that wants to look at the big picture and not get bogged down or discouraged, there’s another part of me that wants to give right the hell up right now. I take my work very personally. I WANT to do well, and I WANT to feel like I’m helping people. It’s devastating to me to be yelled at by customers all day then turn around and face a group of peers that’s somehow magically squeezed at least one yes out of a parade of nos, and a supervisor who pats me on the shoulder and gives me a cheesy “Keep dialing and smiling! Stay focused!” line. Complete failure on all fronts. I know my coworkers are trying to help, but dang. It could (and did) make a gal cry.

There’s other stuff too. You know this place doesn’t give you your own desk? I came to work today and someone was sitting in my cube. So I had to sit somewhere else. That blows my mind. They say it’s because people change jobs-within-jobs so often that they don’t have time to get comfortable. But to me it’s really alienating and unsettling. That whole “these are Terminix’s desks, not yours” mentality is also why we have to carry all of our materials with us home and back every day. If you leave your manual and your headset at a desk, there’s a good chance it’ll be gone the next day. Oh and also we can’t make photocopies. The copy machines are locked down with account numbers and passwords, and only supervisors are allowed to use them. And no one can print from their computers. And most people’s Internet access is completely blocked. And every single call is recorded and twice a week you’re graded on what you say. Certain things can get you written up, like saying “Thanks for choosing Terminix” instead of “Thank you for choosing Terminix.” And enough write-ups will get you fired. Lickety split.

I said a few days ago that I consider myself lucky to have a job. That is still true. Hopefully I’ll crest this hill, and maybe look back on this post and laugh at myself for how worried I was. But right now, my struggles are weighing on me heavily. And if I can’t talk about it on the Internet for millions of people to see, then well where can I.

I was laying in bed tonight when I realized I hadn’t taken Sunday’s photo. So I faked a sleeping shot. I hoped it would cosmically help me actually fall asleep, but no dice. So here I am, blogging at 5 a.m. Because that’s a normal thing to do.

*I need a new cameraphone.