028/365: 01-28-10 Shootin' Zombies at Range USA

So I was pretty much against the idea of shooting guns, even at paper targets…

…until I found out you can shoot zombies!!

Range USA in Bartlett has zombie targets. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to shoot a zombie? Diana was the first to clue me into this awesome little-known fact. And soon I hope to shoot with her. She’s a natural. Watch out, bad dudes, because she can take your eye out from, like, a super far distance. But turns out I got to the range for the first time another way.

A knowledgeable and kind friend with Range USA experience graciously included me in his “Lunch Special” (yeah, the range has a “Lunch Special,” where you get lunch, a lane and a target for $15. More on that later) to usher me into my first gun-shooting experience ever.

I’d shot a few BB guns as a teenager in the woods behind my neighborhood in Clarksville, but for all intents and purposes I was as newbie as they come. I filled out some paperwork while my friend got the targets. The childishness of “Do you want a boy zombie or a girl zombie? OK, sir, give me two boy zombies” in the middle of the seriousness of the weapons cracked me up. After we’d gotten on the range with our ear and eye protection, my friend gave me a quick rundown of gun safety, gun handling rules, how to stand, how to hold the gun, all that stuff. I took photos and watched him shoot for a while, because I’ll admit it!, I was kinda scared. I had, and honestly still have, no idea how to handle a gun properly and safely (you check if it’s loaded by looking down the muzzle, right?) and would have frozen in my tracks if I’d been alone or with someone who didn’t have a lot of experience. I also did not expect the casings to be ricocheting everywhere and pinging off my head, but I guess I should have expected it. I’ve seen enough action movies to know the casings go flying. But soon I quit shooting with my camera and starting shooting with a .22. And then I got real crazy and shot a .357 Magnum.

I shot about 50 bullets, all told, I guess? It wasn’t the empowering, orgasmic “HELL YEAH I AM ANNIE OAKLEY, LARA CROFT, AEON FLUX AND JENNIFER LOPEZ PLAYING A REVENGE-OBSESSED ABUSE VICTIM IN ONNNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!!!” feeling I thought I might get. But I enjoyed it. I was alright for a beginner with the .22. He told me that a shooter’s doing fine if they can cover their scatter of bullet holes with their hand, and then he covered all my shots with one of his hands. Hooray! I am not grievously cross-eyed or pathetically awful at shooting a gun at a stationery paper target seven yards away! I can tell looking at the photos from today that I seem to be leaning backward, I don’t know if that’s good or bad. And take me and that gun out of a sanitized range and into a criminal situation and I would be completely useless. I’d probably give the gun to the attacker and ask him to load it for me. And dear lord help me if it’s anything heavier than a .22. The .357 Magnum was heavy and my shots were way off. Once I completely missed the zombie altogether. I got a little better the more I shot, but my friend was way better. He took the Magnum and blasted several well-placed shots through the brain in the corner at 15 yards away.

Then he aerated our zombie with a .45.

And then we settled down for a hearty lunch of fried zombie thighs.

Just kidding!, I had a turkey sandwich.

So yeah, the food! When I was invited to the range for lunch-and-guns, I was as excited about the range’s cafe as I was about the target practice. Ever since the CA ran an article about the cafe’s surprisingly good menu, I’ve been interested to try their food but I thought “it’s in the gun range, I will never go there.” But then I did. Funny how stuff works out. Anyway, the sandwiches are quite good and very reasonably priced, I can now say in full confidence. I was a bit disappointed so many of their sandwiches involve pork or beef, but they have a handy “build your own sandwich” section that saved the day. You can also sit in the cafe and watch the shooters, which is surprisingly interesting once you’ve been out there yourself. At least I thought it was.

Closing thoughts? I would do this again, but only with someone who knows what they’re doing and won’t mind if I’m a major wuss about doing pretty much everything involved in target practice. Except eating afterward. I was great at that part.