Repugnant IM Chats: Chapter 4

Not repugnant, but seedy and still hilarious:

Kerry: and if this isn’t a clear sign that i need either A) more to do at work, or more to do at home… i don’t know what is.
Kerry: i shoulda been a fucking detective.
Lindsey: haha, yes!
Lindsey: it would be so much fun to be a skeevy private eye
Kerry: btw, that is supposed to be B then right hand parentheses….
Kerry: NOT an emoticon with sunglasses
Kerry: although if i WERE a detective, i would wear sunglasses at all times.
Lindsey: ALL TIMES
Kerry: even while sleeping.
Kerry: because i can’t compromise my identity.
Kerry: also, i would not be so secretive about the fact i drink whiskey out of a bottle in my desk drawer.
Lindsey: oh my god, that would be amazing
Lindsey: you’d need some weepy Venetian blinds
Lindsey: and a ceiling fan
Lindsey: and constant dusk
Kerry: and i would have to have bombshells waltzing in and out of my office, while i kick my feet up on my desk and throw balled up paper into a wire wastebasket.

Lindsey: why AREN’T more people detectives?
Kerry: i will also have to invest in several metal file cabinets.
Kerry: seriously. i’m realizing now that this is my calling.
Lindsey: it’s not too late. it’s never too late!
Lindsey: and you’re going to need a voiceover machine
Lindsey: or the patience to narrate your every move
Kerry: haha

Lindsey: (which i do anyway in real life, now that i think about it. it’s fairly easy. and addictive.)
Kerry: i think i do that in my head already
Lindsey: (she tapped onto the keyboard)
Kerry: she stared over the cubicle wall at her coworker… lisa looked tired, beat, like she’d been pummeled by the mean streets of memphis, just tryin’ to make a buck like everyone else, you know… kerry felt sorry for her, but not too sorry. kerry’s trying to make a buck too, after all.
Kerry: the phone rang.
Kerry: END OF CHAPTER